I wrote this sunday 1 am-
Every weekend for as long as i can remember, i’ve watched my parents get drunk till unconsciousness, and every weekend for as long as i can remember, i’ve shed tears, except tonight.
i’m the girl with the passion, that if you attack her, you’ll get screams and tears because she can’t take injustice. I can’t say i’ve always been right, but i know i’ve not always been wrong, and i say this because i can’t think of anything right coming out of alcohol abuse.
So tonight, at my uncle’s birthday party, i watched what i’ve always known, idiocy, and i’ve felt what i’ve always felt, disgust. Dad’s favourite thing to say is always how stupid we are, how useless we are. Mom’s favourite thing to do, call the attention, crying and feeling pathetic about herself, you get tired once you’ve tried and tried to reassure her how much you do love her and how much you trust her but not even that is enough. I know deep inside i’m being harsh on them, since they try hard to give us what we need, but i hate that too, that we are such an excuse for them to lose themselves, to destroy their insides, to think that we OWE them the pathetic situations they get theirselves into.
When it was time to go, my brother had to drive us home, and as it typically happens, my dad got aggressive and started calling him names, stupid, you don’t listen you moron, go RIGHT YOU USELESS SHIT. When he wasn’t supposed to go nowhere but straight to avoid cops since he doesn’t have a licence, yes, that too. That’s what they put us through. My brother stopped the car and stared at him straight in the eye and told him. ”You’re dunk, you are NOT driving, I AM.” to what he responded ”You don’t know shit and you’re retarted” my brother then looked again straight at the road, i took a glance at him and saw he was about to actually cry, and i just stared at him as calmed as i could possibly be, as i ever was, really, and told him not to listen to him, that my dad wasn’t making any sense, for the first time i could see my brother relying on me and viceversa, we needed each other, at the least wanted circumstances. At all this, my mom was almost passed out and the only thing she said was shut up to my dad. I, on the other hand, screamed at my dad like you are not supposed to because again, I CAN’T TAKE bullshit that i DO NOT at any certain point, deserve, not me, or my brother, SPECIALLY my brother.
I felt the trip home as journey straight to hell, so i began to chitchat to my brother, hoping my dad wouldn’t interrupt, which he did, but i didn’t give a shit anymore, my dad on the way home, has this shortcut to avoid traffic lights, that we prefer he wouldn’t use because it is a terribly sandy, and not good for the car, it seriously damages it, but he goes that way anyway, not caring about what we think or what damage it does to the car.
The moment my brother decided to go straight leaving the shortcut behind DESPITE of what my dad started to yell, i knew he was already a better version of him.
None of my parents are talking to me, like if i had done something wrong, i don’t get it. i won’t apologise, i’m so done with their shit. i’m so done with everything.